A | A | A

label1 label2

Lauren's Blog

Lauren’s blog covers topics that impact your finances, your family, and your future. Is there a topic you’d like Lauren to tackle? We’d love your suggestions and feedback.

Life happens. Plan today to make every transition easier.

Life happens. Plan today to make every transition easier.

Change. For some of us, the word alone can send a wave of panic. And it’s no wonder. Any change means transition, and any transition—whether happy or sad—begins with an ending. In all cases, something or someone fundamental in your life is gone. Marriage brings the end of complete independence. Retirement brings the end of decades of camaraderie, achievement, and a steady paycheck. Divorce brings the end of a relationship, and often years of hopes and dreams. Death of a loved one brings the end of companionship and a huge shift in how you live each day moving forward. Sending a child to school brings the end of one phase of parenting. While every stage of life has its own of transitions, for many women, it’s the 40s that seem to bring on the perfect storm.

In my own life, my 40s were an utter whirlwind. Jamie and Adam both graduated from high school and moved out of the house. Both of my parents died. My husband had a major stroke. And I lost my job. All in a tiny, 5-year window of my life. And like anyone facing such transitions, I didn’t know which way was up. In his seminal book Transitions: Making Sense of Life's Changes, Bill Bridges talks about the period following a significant life change as our “time in the wilderness.” I was the perfect example. As Bridges explains it, it’s a time when we’re forced to separate ourselves from the everyday and digest and respond to the immense change within us. And all of this must happen before we can return to the world, transformed.

While you’re in the wilderness, it’s normal to feel off-balance and uncertain. It can feel like survival is impossible, and the unending stream of questions won’t stop flooding every thought. How will I live? How will I pay the bills? How can I move on? While it may seem impossible at the time, it’s important to recognize that you will find your way. But even as you’re struggling, you must make sure the rest of the pieces of your life don’t fall apart.

I often say that when it comes to your money, there’s no such thing as an unexpected expense. The same is all too true when it comes to “unexpected” changes. Once you reach your 40s, 50s, and beyond, big changes come flying at you, fast and furious. Your children grow up. Your parents get elderly. Your aging body begins to throw you curve balls. You get sick. Your spouse gets sick. Life happens! The good news is that because you know all these things are going to happen, you can prepare for what’s to come—long before you’re thrown into the wilderness. Here’s how to start planning for tomorrow’s changes today:

  • Identify your “person.” In times of crisis, it’s vital to have someone who can give you an outside perspective and help guide your way. It may be an adult child, a colleague, a neighbor, a family member, or a best friend. Whoever you choose, your person is the one you know you can trust to be there when you need help and is the one who makes you feel safe—even when you’re in the wilderness.
  • Create a solid financial plan. All transitions create an imbalance in your life. By working with a trusted advisor now to create a solid financial plan that is stress tested for change, money will be one thing you don’t need to worry about when life happens. Even more, you won’t be starting from scratch after the storm. Instead, you’ll know precisely what your resources are moving forward. That alone can help breathe easier throughout the transition process.
  • Prepare for the inevitable. Like it or not, change is going to happen and your life will be filled with a series of transitions. The kids grow up, move out, get married, and have babies of their own. Parents get old and pass on. Jobs come and go. Marriages shift. Be honest with yourself about what changes you’ll face in the next decade… and the next… and prepare yourself emotionally and practically for what’s to come.
  • Create a community of friends. Emotionally you may feel isolated in the wilderness between the end of one thing and an eventual new beginning. Isolation leaves you vulnerable, so prepare now to engage in community by being a friend, a volunteer, or a member of a church, book club, or card group. The circle of friends you build will be your emotional life raft in the future.

Of course, you cannot anticipate every transition. The worst day of my life was when my first husband left me. My kids were three and five years old. I was a recent West Coast transplant and a stay-at-home mom. I had no job. I had no future. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t swallow. I had been thrown into the wilderness and trapped inside a bell jar. When my attorney Sheila Sonenshine told me to breathe, I listened. I inhaled. I exhaled. Again and again. She told me to get a haircut and get a job, and I did that too. Before I even realized it, I was putting one foot in front of the other and moving forward. With her guidance, I found my way out of my wilderness.

When the big changes hit—whether you’ve prepared for them or not—remember to make these your top three priorities:  

  1. Breathe. You’ll feel stuck. You’ll feel blinded. You’ll feel off-balance. But if you can remember to keep breathing, you can (and will) keep moving forward.
  2. Identify what’s urgent. Pay your bills. Be realistic about your finances. Take care of the necessities and put everything else on hold. And wait to make any irrevocable decisions until you’re able to see straight again.
  3. Get “up on the balcony. ”Count on “your person” to help you scan the environment, see the realities of your situation more clearly, and keep you rooted in what’s real. Don’t forget about your financial advisor. She can help you circle back to your plan so you can rise above your emotions and make rational decisions.

No matter what life throws at you—and no matter how unexpected the expected can feel—you too will find your way through the wilderness. The best thing you can do until you get to that next fork in the road is to put plans in place that help make even the toughest transitions easier. And when life happens and you need a guide to help find your way, we’re always here to help. 

Continue reading
467 Hits

Sex, religion, politics… and money. Breaking the silence.

Sex, religion, politics… and money. Breaking the silence.

Most of us learned early on to avoid three things in polite conversation: sex, religion, and politics. Oh, how times have changed! Today, sex, religion, and politics seem to be the hottest topics—in the news and on the tips of everyone’s tongues. Unfortunately, few of these conversations are spurring rational, thoughtful discourse (often quite the opposite). And while it’s unlikely any of us can personally shift what seems to be the new societal norm, the one conversation we can shift is the one about taboo-topic number four: Money.

In my last blog post, I wrote about the importance of having “the money talk” before you get married. But what about the rest of the time? Talking about money before you say “I do” is important, but breaking the silence and keeping that conversation going in every relationship in your life can deliver some fantastic benefits. A stronger financial partnership with your spouse or partner. Better balance between your long-term and short-term goals. More financially aware children. A better understanding of your aging parents’ financial needs. And less money-related stress for everyone.

It’s a grand goal, but fostering healthy money conversations can be a challenge, especially when we’ve been taught that money talk is as taboo—if not more so—as sex, religion, and politics. In my own family, my parents seemed always to be talking about money. While it seemed to be their favorite topic, the taboos still existed. They talked (and argued) about money, but they never, ever mentioned amounts. Were we rich? Were we poor?  I never knew. But I do know I walked away with my own deeply held beliefs about money, and not all of them were good.

I’m not alone in that experience. I meet many people who don’t know a thing about their parents’ assets. They don’t know if Mom and Dad have enough saved to fund their old age (which can have a dramatic impact on the finances of their adult children). They don’t know if their parents have an estate plan, if they have any significant debt, or how they plan to pass on their assets to the next generation. Worse yet, many people carry on that tradition of money secrecy into their own relationships—and bring a whole lot of money “baggage” along for the ride.

It’s a tough cycle to break. Not only do many of us lack the vocabulary to talk about money, but breaking free from our old ways of thinking can be a huge challenge. If a friend or co-worker asks how much money we make, we cringe and wonder, “How can she ask me that?! She broke the rules!” The better question is, “Why wouldn’t she ask?” Does the question bring up negative emotions? Self-judgment? Pride? Ego? Shame? Consider this: What would the conversation be like if we could let go of those emotions and have a real conversation about money?

While you might not be ready for the leap of discussing your salary at work (though I urge you to get there eventually), the place where it is vital to start talking about money is in your own home. The first step: explore your money mindset by looking at the conversations you have with yourself about money. Ask yourself these questions and think deeply about the answers. Don’t be surprised if your answers run the gamut—from easy or exciting, to stressful or shameful, to downright emotional. Remember that there’s no right or wrong. Just be as honest with yourself as you can:

  • Talking about money is                       ?
  • Talking to my romantic partner about money is                       ?
  • Talking to my parents about money is                       ?
  • Talking to my children about money is                       ?
  • At work, money is                       ?
  • My parents taught me that money is                       ?
  • My religion taught me that money is                       ?
  • My biggest fear about money is                       ?

Once you’ve thought about your own responses, ask your spouse or partner to do the same—and then share your answers with each other. It’s a great way to open up the channels of communication and understand your unique perspectives about finances. It may suddenly make complete sense to you (and to him) why your spouse has a hard time putting money away for that next vacation, or why your stomach drops every time you take on even a little extra debt. There’s nothing like good communication to foster understanding.

Of course, understanding your partner’s perspective isn’t the same as agreeing with it. Money problems rank as the number-one reason for divorce, and it’s no wonder. In her book Breaking Money Silence: How to Shatter Money Taboos, Talk More Openly about Finances, and Live a Richer Life, wealth psychology expert Kathleen Burns Kingsbury suggests couples agree to the following rules for whenever money is a part of the conversation:

  • Be respectful.
  • Use “I” statements.
  • Listen actively.
  • Don’t mind-read.
  • Practice curiosity.
  • Agree to disagree.
  • Reward yourself.

Following these basic guidelines can help you turn money arguments into real conversations that spur the rational, thoughtful discourse that can lead to better decisions, better finances, and yes, better relationships. And if you find that you need assistance appreciating each other’s differences and working together toward a more sound approach to your finances, a financial advisor—especially one trained in mediation techniques—can be a tremendous benefit. As always, we’re here to help.

Let the conversations begin!

Continue reading
717 Hits

Getting married? Unless you’re royalty, it’s time to talk money!

Getting married? Unless you’re royalty, it’s time to talk money!

On Monday, Prince Harry and Meghan Markle announced their engagement, and the media (and everyone I know!) is buzzing about the news. The royal wedding is scheduled to take place in May at Windsor Castle, and I’m sure the bride-to-be already has her eyes set on a wedding gown. The good news for them is that, while I’m sure they’ll have many challenges of their own to face in the years to come, one issue they’ll happily be able to sidestep is money.

Unfortunately, all too many soon-to-be couples who are far from royalty make the mistake of sidestepping the money talk before marrying. It’s a move that can lead to painful consequences.

  • Angela is money wise and has a generous spirit. Her husband Alex is very controlling, especially about finances. They have a healthy marriage, except when it comes to money. She enjoys spending what they can easily afford, but she knows that even the smallest expense will be an issue for Alex. Rather than argue with him, she regularly borrows or withdraws money from her 401(k). They don’t discuss it—until tax time when her 1099 arrives, and her withdrawals are right there in black and white. Her rationale: at least they only argue about finances once a year.
  • Bruce is the self-appointed CFO of his family—but he doesn’t have the skills to do the job well. When money is tight, he tries to keep the shortfall under the radar from his wife, Lisa. But that approach only works for so long. Soon the bills begin to mount and the truth is revealed. It’s a pattern that Lisa (and I) have watched repeat itself over and over again.
  • Patricia, a long-time client, died recently, and I’m now working with her adult children to manage their inheritances. Her daughter’s husband is already planning how to spend the windfall; he seems to have mixed emotions about the fact that his wife now has her “own” money. In contrast, Patricia’s son and his wife seem to be excellent financial partners; they’ve already placed the funds in a joint account and are working together to decide whether they want to spend, save, or invest the assets.

I have to wonder how things might be different if these couples had ironed out the details of their financial lives together from day one.

Whether you are marrying for the first time, blending families, or enjoying a later-in-life union, your life partnership is about more than your love for each other. Some of the best marriages have been broken by that troublesome nemesis that is money. The good news is that, with proper planning, money can also serve as a foundation for a wonderfully healthy marriage. But it all starts before you say “I do.”

What every couple should understand is that marriage is (hopefully!) rooted in love, but it’s also a business transaction. When you marry, you are forming a legal partnership that involves many rights and responsibilities. Before you take the next step from two legally and financially independent people to becoming a married couple, take the time to work out the business details of your relationship. Think of it like opening a shop together—and have a little fun.

Start by taking a close look at your current financial reality. Consider each of your personal incomes, what you spend, and what you save and invest. Determine your individual net worth and share your credit scores. This information serves as the starting point for your financial future. Next, combine your balance sheets and agree on how, and if, you want to use your joint assets together.

Next, create a set of bylaws and assign roles and responsibility. Who will serve as the CFO (learn from Bruce: don’t assume the role for yourself!) and who will be the bookkeeper? Agree upon how you will make financial decisions, including your household budget and large purchases such as a new home, a major remodel, or a new car. Talk through a process to handle financial challenges or disagreements. (Yes, they will happen!) If there are children from a prior relationship, what do you need or want to do for them? Will you both help fund their education? Will you pay for their weddings? At what age will you stop offering financial assistance? If you have siblings, friends, or aging parents who may need financial help, how and when will you be willing to step in?

Now comes the fun part: creating your shared vision for the future and drafting your strategic plan. This is when you align your dreams and set the path for a happy tomorrow, and it’s one of the most important things you can do as a couple. If your spouse imagines a simple retirement cabin on a lake and you fantasize about the hustle and bustle of Manhattan, there’s bound to be conflict down the road. Share your vision for five, ten, and twenty years into the future, and discuss how to combine your ideas and bring those dreams to life.

The last step is to put your plan in writing. Like any successful partnership, your agreements must be written down. Putting pen to paper clarifies the details, and it’s the best way to avoid miscommunication now and for years to come. Finally, review it all every year—because as we all know, life happens. And when you need help aligning your reality with your goals—or creating a shared management process that works for both of you—a financial advisor can be a tremendous help. The newest royal couple may never have to worry about managing debt or how to invest their nest egg, but for everyone else tying the knot, now is the time for the money talk! 

Continue reading
668 Hits


09 November 2016

Contact Us

4299 MacArthur Boulevard
Suite 100
Newport Beach, CA 92660
Phone: 949-477-4990
Fax: 714-464-4481
Email: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.




All written content on this site is for information purposes only. Opinions expressed herein are solely those of Lauren S. Klein, President, Klein Financial Advisors, Inc. Material presented is believed to be from reliable sources and we make no representations as to its accuracy or completeness. Read More >